名人幽默小故事英文版

❶ 谁有英语幽默短文，小故事，名人名言。急急急急急

All for one, one for all.
人人为我，我为人人。—— [法] Dumas pére大仲马
Other men live to eat, while I eat to live.
别人为食而生存，我为生存而食。—— Socrates 苏格拉底
Easy come, easy go.
易得者亦易失。 —— Hazlitt赫斯特
Love rules his kingdom without a sword.
爱，统治了他的王国，不用一枝利剑。—— Herbert 赫伯特
We soon believe what we desire.
我们欲望中的东西，我们很快就信以为真。—— Chaucer乔叟

The darkest hour is that before the dawn.
黎明前的时分是最黑暗的。—— Fuller 富勒
The longest day has an end.
最难过的日子也有尽头。—— Howell 贺韦尔
Living without an aim is like sailing without a compass.
生活而无目标，犹如航海之无指南针。—— J. Ruskin 鲁斯金
A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush.
手中的一只鸟胜于林中的两只鸟。—— Heywood 希伍德
One swallow does not make a summer.
一燕不成夏。—— Taverner 泰维纳

A man may lead a horse to the water, but he cannot make it drink.
一个人可以把马带到河边，但他不能令它饮水。 —— Heywood 希伍德
One cannot eat one’s cake and have it.
一个人不能把他的糕饼吃掉之后还留在手上。 —— Davies 戴维斯
Time is money.
时间就是金钱。—— Benjamin Franklin富兰克林
Time and tide wait for no man.
时间不等人。—— Scott 斯科特
There is no rose without a thorn.
没有玫瑰花是不长刺的。—— Ray 雷

Lookers-on see most of the game.
旁观者清。—— Smedley 斯密莱
Beggars cannot be choosers.
行乞者不得有选择。—— Heywood 希伍德
First catch your hare.
首先必须捕获兔子，然后才能宰之。—— Thackeray 萨克雷
Victory won’t come to me unless I go to it.
胜利是不会向我走来的，我必须自己走向胜利。—— M. Moore 穆尔
A great man is always willing to be little.
伟大的人物总是愿意当小人物的。—— R. W. Emerson 爱默生

Cowards die many times before their deaths.
懦夫在未死之前，已身历多次死亡的恐怖了。 —— Julius Caesar 凯撒
Anything one man can imagine, other men can make real.
但凡人能想象到的事物，必定有人能将它实现。 —— Jules Verne 凡尔纳
Early to bed and early to rise, makes a man healthy, wealthy, and wise.
早睡早起使人健康、富裕又聪明。—— Benjamin Franklin 富兰克林
Life is just a series of trying to make up your mind.
生活只是由一系列下决心的努力所构成。—— T. Fuller 富勒
Goals determine what you are going to be.
目标决定你将成为为什么样的人。—— Julius Erving欧文

All human wisdom is summed up in two words ?C wait and hope.
人类所有的智慧可以归结为两个词 — 等待和希望。—— Alexandre Dumas Pére大仲马（法国作家）
It is not enough to be instrious, so are the ants. What are you instrious for?
光勤劳是不够的，蚂蚁也是勤劳的。要看你为什么而勤劳。—— H. D. Thoreau梭罗
You have to believe in yourself. That’s the secret of success.
人必须相信自己，这是成功的秘诀。—— Charles Chaplin卓别林
Nothing is more precious than independence and freedom.
没有什么比独立自由更可宝贵的了。—— [越南] Ho Chi Minh胡志明
I like the dreams of the future better than the history of the past.
我不缅怀过去的历史，而致力于未来的梦想。—— T. Jefferson 杰弗逊（美国第3任总统）

Money is round. It rolls away.
圆圆钱币，滚走容易。—— S. Aleichen 阿雷钦
We are here to add what we can to life, not to get what we can from it.
我们要尽可能为生活增加一些东西，而不是从中索取什么。—— William Osler 奥斯勒
Life itself, without the assistance of colleges and universities, is becoming an advanced institution of learning.
没有学院和大学的帮助，人生本身也正在变成一所高等学府。 —— Thomas Alva Edison 爱迪生
Work while you work;
Play while you play;
This is the way;
To be cheerful and gay.
工作时工作，
玩乐是玩乐，
依此方法做，
轻松与欢乐。—— A. D. Stoddart 斯道达特

英语名人名言

What's in a name? That which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet.
名称有什么关系呢？玫瑰不叫玫瑰，依然芳香如故。——Shakespeare

There is but one step from the sublime to the ridiculous.
崇高与荒谬仅一步之遥。——Napoleon

Even when the experts all agree, they may well be mistaken.
即使所有的专家都一致赞同，他们可能也错了。——Bertrand Russell

Sometimes the most urgent and vital thing you can possibly do is take a complete rest.
有时候你能做的最紧急重要的事情就是彻底休息。——Ashleigh Brilliant

Little drops of water, little grains of sand, make the mighty ocean and the pleasant land.
滴滴小水珠，颗颗小沙粒，会形成浩瀚的海洋与宜人的土地。——Julia Carney

Even the weariest river winds somewhere safe to sea.
即使是最疲惫的河流，历经曲折，也终会安然入海。 ——Swinburne

The history of mankind is the history of ideas.
人类的历史就是思想的历史。 ——Ludwig Von Mises

To believe with certainty,we must begin with doubting.
要完全相信，我们首先得怀疑。——Stanislaus

Give a man a fish, and you feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish, and you get rid of him on the weekends.
给他一条鱼，你可以喂他一天；教他钓鱼，他周末就不会再来缠你了。——Gary Apple

True science teaches, above all, to doubt and be ignorant.
真正的科学首先教人怀疑和知道自己无知。 ——Miguel de Unamuno

Truth has no special time of it's own. Its hour is now always.
真理没有自己特定的时间段。它的时间永远是现在。——A.Schweitzer

Growing old is not upsetting; being perceived as old is.
越来越老并不可怕，可怕的是让人觉得越来越老。——Kenny Rogers

Without libraries what have we? We have no past and no future.
如果没有了图书馆，我们还有什么呢？我们没有了过去也没有了未来。 ——Kay Bradbury

Scientific knowledge aims at being wholly impersonal.
科学知识要求完全不受个人感情的影响。 ——Bertrand Russell

Nothing in life is to be feared. It is only to be understood.
生活中没有可怕的东西，只有应去了解的东西。——Marie Curie

Truth is beautiful. Withoutdoubt; and so are lies.
真理是美的；毫无疑问，谎言也是如此。 ——Emerson.

英语名人名言

Nature never deceives us; it is always us who deceive ourselves.
大自然永远不会欺骗我们，欺骗我们的往往是我们自己。——Rousseau

You can never plan the future by the past.
永远也不能依照过去来计划将来。 ——Burke

Time is a versatile performer. It flies, marches on, heals all wounds, runs out and will tell.
时间是个多才多艺的表演者。它能展翅飞翔，能阔步前进，能治愈创伤，能消逝而去，也能揭示真相。 ——Franklin P.Jones

The first in time and the first in importance of the influences upon the mind is that of nature.
在所有头脑的影响之中，大自然的影响可谓是在时间上最先，在作用上最为重要的。——Emerson

Death…is no more than passing from one room into another.
死亡只不过是从一个房间进入另一个房间。——Helen Keller

Important principles may and must be flexible.
重要的原则能够也必须是灵活的。 ——Abraham Lincoln

That is the essence of science: ask an impertinent question, and you are on the way to the pertinent answer.
科学的本质是：问一个不恰当的问题，于是走上了通往恰当答案的路。 ——Jacob Bronowski

The danger of the past was that men became slaves. The danger of the future is that men may become robots.
在过去人们面临的危险是变成奴隶，而在将来危险是人类可能变成机器人。——Erich Fromm

Nature never deceives us; it is always us who deceive ourselves.
大自然永远不会欺骗我们，欺骗我们的往往是我们自己。——Rousseau

You can never plan the future by the past.
永远也不能依照过去来计划将来。 ——Burke

Time is a versatile performer. It flies, marches on, heals all wounds, runs out and will tell.
时间是个多才多艺的表演者。它能展翅飞翔，能阔步前进，能治愈创伤，能消逝而去，也能揭示真相。 ——Franklin P.Jones

The first in time and the first in importance of the influences upon the mind is that of nature.
在所有头脑的影响之中，大自然的影响可谓是在时间上最先，在作用上最为重要的。——Emerson

Death…is no more than passing from one room into another.
死亡只不过是从一个房间进入另一个房间。——Helen Keller

Important principles may and must be flexible.
重要的原则能够也必须是灵活的。 ——Abraham Lincoln

That is the essence of science: ask an impertinent question, and you are on the way to the pertinent answer.
科学的本质是：问一个不恰当的问题，于是走上了通往恰当答案的路。 ——Jacob Bronowski

The danger of the past was that men became slaves. The danger of the future is that men may become robots.
在过去人们面临的危险是变成奴隶，而在将来危险是人类可能变成机器人。——Erich Fromm

Knowledge is a treasure, but practice is the key to it.
知识是一宝库，而实践就是开启宝库大门的钥匙。——Fuller

The Golden Rule is that there are no golden rules.
真正的金科玉律就是世上并无金科玉律。——G.B.Shaw

The lover of nature is he whose inward and outward senses are still truly adjusted to each other; who has retained the spirit of infancy even into the era of manhood.
热爱大自然的人内外感觉协调一致，即使进入成年后依然保持着童心。 ——Emerson

Ten men banded together in love can do what ten thousand separately would fail in.
以爱心聚在一起的十个人能够完成一万个分散的人做不到的事情。——Thomas Carlyle

Imagination is not to be divorced from the facts.
想象不应脱离现实。——A.N. Whitehead

There are two sides to every story ... at least.
每个故事都可以从两个方面看，至少两个方面。——Ann Landers

Today is not yesterday. We ourselves change. How then can our works and thoughts, if they are always to be fittest, continue always the same?
今天不同于昨天。我们自己也在改变。那么，我们的著作和思想，如果想永远不过时，怎么能始终不改变呢？ ——Thomas Carlyle

Love alone can release the power of the atom so it will work for man and not against him.
只有爱才能使原子的力量造福人类，而非危害人类。——W. A. Peterson

❷ 求英文名人趣事 急急急！！

Winston. Churchill is the world-famous political leader. He is being British Prime Minister the period, one time, his political Madame match Astor said to him: ” if I am your madame, I certainly will admit the medicine in yours coffee.”Qiu Gill has listened, smiled was saying: ” if I am your husband, I certainly will drink this coffee

丘吉尔的故事
温斯顿．邱吉尔是世界著名的政治领袖．他在担任英国首相期间，一次，他 的政治
对手阿斯特夫人对他说：”如果我是您夫人，我一定会在您的咖啡里放进 药．”邱
吉尔听了，笑着说：”如果我是您丈夫，我一定会把这杯咖啡喝下去．

Mark Twain was a famous American writer. He wrote many stories and many of them were funny stories. These stories are still read by many people all over the world. Besides writing, he also liked hunting and fishing very much, so one year he went to Maine for a holiday and spent three very pleasant weeks in the woods there. When he had to go back home, he drove to the station with his baggage. There he asked a porter to put it into the train. Then he got into the smoking car and sat down in one of the comfortable seats there. The car was empty when he got in, but a few minutes later, another man got in and sat down on the seat opposite his. Mark Twain looked at the man and thought that this man looked quite unpleasant. However, it would be impolite to say nothing in that situation, so he said good morning to the man, and they began to talk. First they talked about the weather and then they talked about Maine. The stranger said, "We have some beautiful woods in Maine. It would be a pity to come to Maine without spending some time there. I suppose you have been in our woods, haven't you?" "Yes, I have," answered Mark Twain. "I've just spent three weeks there and I had a very good time, too. And let me tell you something. Although fishing isn't allowed in Maine at this season, I've got two hundred pounds of beautiful fish with my baggage in this train. I like to eat fish, so I packed it in ice to take it home with me. May I ask who you are, sir?" The stranger looked at Mark Twain for several seconds and then answered, "I'm a police officer. My job is to catch people who hunt and fish ring the wrong seasons. And who are you?" Mark Twain was surprised and frightened when he heard this. He thought quickly and then answered, "Well, I'll tell you, sir. I'm the man who tells the biggest lies in America."

❸ 有关英国历史上名人的幽默有哲理的小故事，，，，急！！！！！！！谢谢～～～～

http://www.zuowen.com/sucai/mingren/waiguogushi/
这个网址有很多！你自己找一下！
如
英国大作家狄更斯去钓鱼，不一会儿走来一个人，问狄更斯：“你钓了多少鱼？”狄更斯回答：“钓了一大筐。 ”对方说：“你知道我是干什么的吗？我是鱼塘管理员，这里不许钓鱼要罚款。”狄更斯回答：“你又知道我是干什么的吗？我是作家，作家是专门编故事的。”

1945年7月英国大选后，丘吉尔首相下台。理查德·皮姆爵士去看望丘吉尔，把大选结果告诉他。当时丘吉尔正躺 在浴缸里洗澡。当理查德爵士把这个坏消息告诉他时，丘吉尔说：“他们完全有权利把我赶下台。那就是民主！那就是 我们一直在奋斗争取的！现在劳烦您把毛巾递给我。”

丘吉尔有一个习惯，一天之中无论什么时候，只要一停止工作就爬进热气腾腾的浴缸中去洗澡，然后裸着身体在浴室里来回踱步，以事休息。二战期间，一次，丘吉尔来到白宫，要求美国给予军事援助。当他正在白宫的浴室里光着身子踱步时，有人敲浴室的门。“进来吧，进来吧。”他大声喊道。门一打开，出现在门口的是罗斯福。他看到丘吉尔一丝不挂，便转身想退出去。“进来吧，总统先生，”丘吉尔伸出双臂，大声呼喊： “大不列颠的首相是没有什么东西需要对美国的总统隐瞒的。”——两人一阵大笑。英国从美国得到了全面的军事援助。

一次在议会开会，一位议员在发言时见到坐席上的丘吉尔正摇头表示不同意。这位议员说：“我提醒各位，我只是在发表自己的意见。”这时候丘吉尔站起来说：“我也提醒议员先生注意，我只是在摇我自己的头。”
望采纳！

丘吉尔的仕途也并非一帆风顺，尤其是在1922年，他因为做了阑尾切除手术，不能进行他所擅长的讲演，结果竞选失败。他话：“转眼之间，我发现自己失去了职务，失去了党派，失去了席位，甚至还失去了阑尾。” 他的朋友们本来情绪还很沉闷，但让他这样一说，都轻松了起来。

篇四：丘吉尔的幽默故事

在一次访美期间，丘吉尔应邀去一家供应冷烤鸡的简易餐厅进餐。在取第二份烤鸡时，丘吉尔很有礼貌地对女主人说：“我可以来点儿鸡胸脯的肉吗？”

“丘吉尔先生，”女主人温柔地告诉他，“我们不说胸脯，而习惯称它为白肉，烧不白的鸡腿肉称为黑肉。”

尽管丘吉尔认为她这是在咬文嚼字，可他还是为自己的言辞不当表示了歉意。

第二天，那位女主人收到了一朵丘吉尔派人送去的漂亮的兰花，花旁还附有一张卡片，上面写着：“如果你愿把它别在你的‘白肉’上，我将感到莫大的荣幸——丘吉尔。”

篇五：丘吉尔的幽默故事

从小口吃的孩子后来成为世界上最顶尖级的演说家，英国历史上最伟大的首相，他就是丘吉尔!丘吉尔出生于1874年11月30日，他们家在英国的牛津，一个贵族世家，家庭条件很优越，在当地享有很高的名望。但是，小丘吉尔似乎一点都没有继承那个家庭的高贵血统，他呆头呆脑的，上课的时候总是不知道在想什么。 这还不算，丘吉尔还有口吃的毛病。在班上他的成绩永远是最差的，可是他从来都不在乎。这让老师很是讨厌他。一天，老师发现在教室角落里的小丘吉尔又不知道在想什么。于是，老师很生气地问:"丘吉尔，你在干什么?"

可是丘吉尔似乎沉浸在自己的世界里，根本没有听到老师在叫他。老师更生气了，他走到小丘吉尔的面前，气愤地拍着桌子说:"如果你还不回答我的问题，我就把你赶出去。"小丘吉尔惊慌地站了起来，但还是什么都没有说。

老师发怒了，大喊着:"你把你父亲的脸都丢光了，将来你只能做个可怜的寄生虫。""不我我我我要做做个演讲讲讲家。"小丘吉尔的话还没有说到一半，同学们就"哈哈哈"地大笑起来。放学的路上，一群同学追了上来，他们围住小丘吉尔，嘲弄地对他喊:"讲话都讲不全，还想当演讲家?""做梦去吧!"

小丘吉尔想辩解几句，但自己就是说不出来，他开始着急，结果越是着急越是说不出来，他涨红了脸。同学们嘲弄够了，就一哄而散，转眼间就剩下了小丘吉尔自己在空荡荡的路上。他努力地忍着，不让泪水流下来，小拳头攥得紧紧的。

回到家里以后，父亲看到儿子很是惊讶:小脸绷得紧紧的，和他说话也不理。从前如果是在外面挨了欺负，回到家里，儿子不是哭就是闹。如果没有挨欺负，回到家里就会到处乱翻。今天这副样子还从来都没有见到过。

父亲急忙跟在后面问，最后被问得急了，小丘吉尔终于开口了:"我我我要当当演讲家。"儿子甩下这句冷冰冰的话就回自己屋子里了，任凭谁去敲门都不开。屋子里，小丘吉尔对着墙上的那面大镜子，开始练习说话。

从那天开始，他像换了个人似的。他不再害怕同学们的嘲笑，在课堂上主动要求起来朗读课文，尽管还是会口吃，读得也不连贯，但是，小丘吉尔在努力。回到家里，他就对着镜子大声地一遍一遍地说话，直到最后，他能够很连贯地说一个句子，甚至一大段话。后来，他还背诵了大量的著名的演讲词。

功夫不负有心人。小丘吉尔终于取得了极大的进步，在同学和老师的面前展露了他幽默风趣的口才。这个口吃的孩子，后来竟然成为了英国历史上最伟大的首相，在第二次世界大战中用他那富有激情的演讲鼓舞了千千万万的人。是英国军民精神的支持很受激励!

❹ 求一个名人故事（最好幽默故事）的英语短文，或歌颂母亲，老师的，非常急

班级就像一个奇怪的家， 没有床，也没有一日三餐…… 在这个家里，老师是慈祥的妈妈， 我们就是一个个好动、活泼的孩子； 我们能够一天天健康地成长， 都是妈妈的功劳…… 九月金秋，老师是这个季节的主题，空气中弥漫着感念师恩的情绪。 尊师重教是永远的美德。过去的，现在的，将来的，所有的教师都应该享受崇敬与祝福。

又是9月，教师节踏着轻盈的步子缓缓而来。
对于每一个人来说，在我们从顽皮稚童到青涩少年再到风华青年的生命历程中， 老师，都是最值得我们尊重和感恩的人。 他们虽然生活清苦，却情系祖国未来，心联学子之心； 虽是一烛微火，却燃尽自己，照亮别人。 教师节今天，老师们笑容最美丽， 金秋和微风送来丰收的好消息； 今天，老师们请休息休息，汇进歌海中，融入笑声里。 鲜艳的花儿，踮起脚尖亲吻你， 甜美的气息，撩人心醉，沁人心脾。 欢喜的泪水，倾诉着心中的甜蜜，
幸福的笑靥，盛满了对事业的痴迷。 一双双清亮纯净的眸子里， 汹涌着无比的崇敬与感激；
干涸的心田里，洒下您辛勤的汗滴， 您的肩膀上，我们看到了广阔天地。

今天，师生的心紧紧贴在一起， 同样铿锵的心跳，化作前进的动力。 今天，九月十日--教师节 共和国致以老师们的崇高敬礼。

老师—— 您如春天中的细雨， 滋润着花儿，灌溉着大地， 而我们再着吮吸着细雨茁长成长。

老师—— 您如秋天里的一丝风， 吹黄了大地，唤金了稻谷， 而我们得到了丰收的硕果。

老师—— 在我黑暗的人生道路上是您为我点燃了一盏最明亮的灯；

老师—— 再我迷蒙的人生道路上是您做我的了的引路人；

老师—— 在我跌跌碰碰的人生道路中是您为我指明了前进的方向；

老师—— 是您给了我一双强有力的翅膀， 让我在知识的世界里遨游！

你献上一朵花， 我献上一朵花， 让我们编织个大花环， 献给亲爱的老师妈妈。是您给了种子，太阳般的温暖； 是您用汗水，把幼苗浇灌。

您的眼睛像明亮的星星， 闪烁着迷人的光华；你的歌声像春天的小溪， 把欢乐带给了大家。

无论我们走到哪儿， 永远记住你的情； 无论我们走到哪儿。永远记住您的话。

无论我们走到哪儿， 永远记住您的爱； 无论我们走到哪

Class is like a strange house, no bed, no meals ... ... in the home, the teacher is the kind of mother, we are a good move, lively children; we can one day grow up healthy, are mother's credit ... ... autumn in September, the teacher is the theme of this season, the air was filled with gratitude Shien emotions. Respecting teachers is always a virtue. Past, present, future, all teachers should enjoy the respect and good wishes.

Again in September, the pace of Teacher's Day marching slowly from light.
For each indivial, in our children from the juvenile to a naughty boy then elegance Sentimental life course of young people, teachers, are most worthy of our respect and gratitude of the people. Although they live hard, love the motherland are the future, the heart the heart of Union students; Although this is a candle Wei Huo, they burn their own light to others. Teacher's Day today, teachers are the most beautiful smile, the fall harvest and the breeze brought the good news; Today, teachers are invited to sit back and sink into the song the sea, into laughter. Bright flowers, on tiptoe to kiss you, sweet flavor, tantalizing enchanted, refreshing. Tears of joy, the sweet talk of the heart,
Happy smile, full of obsession with the cause. A pupil of the eye in both brighter pure, surging with unparalleled respect and gratitude;
Dry heart field, shed your sweat hard, your shoulders, we see a vast world.

Today, the hearts of teachers and students together tightly affixed to the same sonorous heart, into forward momentum. Today, Sept. 10 - Teacher's Day of the Republic to extend my salute the noble teachers.

Teachers - if you spring the rain that moistens the flowers, watering the earth, and we suck in the rain and then a thriving growth.

Teachers - if you fall in the slightest wind, blowing yellow earth, and called King of the rice, and we get the fruits of the harvest.

Teacher - in my dark life on the road that you lit one of my brightest lights;

Teacher - and then my life gets in the road that you had to do a guide for my;

Teacher - I stumble in the path of life is touch you as I pointed out the way forward;

Teacher - that you gave me a pair of strong wings, let me travel in the knowledge of the world!

Offer you a flower, I offer a flower, let us weave a large rosette, dedicated to my dear teacher mother. Is that you give the seeds, sun-like warmth; is that you sweat, the seedlings watered.

Your eyes are like bright stars, flashing a charming Guanghua; your song like a spring creek, bring happiness to everyone.

No matter where we go, always remember your love; matter where we go. Always remember your words.

No matter where we go, always remember your love; whether we go where

************************************
********************************
***************************
老师的眼睛真美，
走路时我摔倒了，
老师用眼睛对我一笑，
我就不疼了。
。
老师的眼睛真亮，
提问题时，我害怕了，
老师用眼睛鼓励我，
我就勇敢的回答。

The teacher's eyes so beautiful
I fell down while walking,
I smile with your eyes on the teacher,
I hurt the.
.
The teacher's eyes are so bright,
Questions, I am afraid,
Teacher encouraged me with your eyes,
I bravely answer.

George I，King of England from 1714 to 1727，could neitherspeak nor write the English language.This German prince fromHanover and heir to the throne succeeded Queen Anne when hewas fifty－four years old.He had no desire to learn the language ofhis new country and made no attempt to do so in the thirteenyears he ruled.

English was not the mother tongue of Queen Victoria .Hermother，the daughter of a German ke ，spoke German in thehome，and able to speak English perfectly.

英格兰1714—1727年的国王乔治一世既不会说也不会写英文。这位来自汉诺威的德国王子于54岁时继承了安妮女王的王位，成为英国君主。他根本不想学习这个新国家的语言，在他统治的年中也没有作过任何学习英语的尝试。

英语不是维多利亚女王的母语。她的母亲是一位德国公爵的女儿，在家里说德语。维多利亚女王虽然统治英格兰达年之久，始终未能学会说完美的英语。

❺ 谁能帮我找到一则或几则关于名人幽默风趣智慧回答的故事要英文的!

sorry

❻ 外国名人有趣的故事

1、基辛格堪称上世纪的谈判大师。一次，基辛格主动为一位穷老农的儿子做媒，想试试自己的折冲之技。他对老农说：“我已经为你物色了一位最好的儿媳。”老农回答说：“我从来不干涉我儿子的事。”

基辛格说：“可这姑娘是罗斯切尔德伯爵的女儿（罗斯切尔德是欧洲最有名望的银行家）。”

老农说：“嗯，如果是这样的话……”

基辛格找到罗斯切尔德伯爵说：“我为你女儿找了一个万里挑一的好丈夫。”

罗斯切尔德伯爵忙婉拒道：“可我女儿太年轻。”

基辛格说：“可这位年轻小伙子是世界银行的副行长。”

“嗯……如果是这样……”

基辛格又去找到世界银行行长，道：“我给你找了位副行长。”

“可我们现在不需要再增加一位副行长。”

基辛格：“可你知道吗，这位年轻人是罗斯切尔德伯爵的女婿。”

于是世界银行行长欣然同意。基辛格功德无量，促成了这桩美满的婚姻，让农夫的穷儿子摇身一变，成了金融寡头的乘龙快婿。

2、算术题与文学课 （汪兆龙）

闻一多先生有一次给学生上课，他走上讲台，先在黑板上写了一道算术题：2+5=？学生们疑惑不解。然而，闻先生却执意要问：2+5=？同学们于是回答：“等于7嘛！”

闻先生说：“不错，在数学领域里，2+5=7，这是天经地义、颠扑不破的。但是，在艺术领域里，2+5=10000也是可能的。”

说到这里，他拿出一幅题为《万里驰骋》的国画由学生们欣赏。

只见画面上突出地画了两匹奔马，在这两匹奔马后面又错落有致、大小不一地画了五匹马，这五匹马后面便是许多影影绰绰的黑点点了。

闻先生指着画说：“从整个画面的形象看，只有前后七匹马，然而，凡是看过这幅画的人，都会感到这里有万马奔腾，这难道不是2+5=10000吗？”

学生们听罢，恍然大悟。原来闻先生用这个简单的算式形象地说明，文学艺术作品的容量是不能像数学公式那样来计算的。文学艺术作品贵在含蓄，要给人们以广阔的想象余地。

3、李嘉诚和一枚硬币

一次在取汽车钥匙时，李嘉诚不慎丢落一枚2元硬币。，硬币滚到车底。当时他估计若汽车开动，硬币会掉到坑渠里。李嘉诚及时蹲下身欲拾取。此时旁边一名印度籍值班见到，立即代他拾起。李嘉诚收回该硬币后，竟给他100元酬谢。李嘉诚对此的解释是：

“若我不拾该2元，让它滚到坑渠，该2元便会在世上消失。而100元给了值班，值班便可将之用去。我觉得钱可以用，但不可以浪费。”

这件小事说明了李嘉诚的一种理财哲学，也说明了他的思维风格，这就是用社会总净值的增损来判断个人行为合理与否。只要社会总斗争 值增加了，自己损失一点也不算什么；相反，如果社会总净值减少了，自己即使收获了一定的财利也是损失。

不要小觑了着眼社会总净值的思维方式，这是关系到国家富强的大问题。亚当·斯密在《国富论》中有这样一个重要论点：人以自利为出发点对社会的贡献，要比意图改善社会的人的贡献大。这样的“自利”或者说“自私”就有几分可爱了。因为如此，“自利”能给别人带来利益，自己的“利”和别人的“利”加起来，社会总净值必然会增加，国家自然富强。

中国传统社会是一个“不患寡而患不均”的社会。“不患寡”，就是不怕社会积弱；“患不均”，就是怕别人比自己好。别人好了，我要想办法让他不好，虽然这样做我也没利。“内耗”的结果是没有“利”的我和没有“利”的别人组成了一个平均型的“寡”的社会。

用社会总净值衡量，也能说明制造假冒伪劣产品的行为为什么可恶。制假货造成的资源和人国成本的浪费，最终造成的是社会总净值的减少。如果任其发展，势必削弱国国。一部分藉此先富起来的人和其他被剥夺了财富的人组成的是一个不均型的“寡”的社会。

李嘉诚的境界是富国的境界。他的心态既是传统文化的异质，也是不规范的市场经济文化的异质，值得我们好好揣摩。

4、楚霸王与桂树

楚霸王自幼爱树。相传有一次，他在一个村庄里看到一个老人持斧要砍桂树。楚霸王忙问缘由，老人说：“我家院子四四方方像‘口’字。这棵树长在院中，就成了‘困’字，不是很不吉利吗？”楚霸王听后，灵机一动回答说：“照你这么说，院中倒树留人，便成‘囚’字，如此更不吉利。”老人觉得楚霸王言之有理，于是放弃了砍树的念头。

5、诸葛亮与桑树

为建立蜀国立下汗马功劳的诸葛亮，在病危时给后主刘禅的遗书上写道：“臣家有桑八百株，子孙衣食，自可足用。”他把自己栽种八百株桑树作为子女生活费的来源，为子女生活作长久安排。一代名相，两袖清风，死后留给子孙唯有自己栽种的桑树，令人不胜感慨。

6、黑板，你别跑！

傍晚，安培在街头散步，突然想到一道物理题目，
就向前面的一块“黑板”走去，从口袋里掏出粉笔，
在“黑板”上演算起来。
可是，“黑板”竟开始向前移动！
全神贯注的安培，因为题目没有算完，就不知不觉地
追在“黑板”后面继续计算。
最后，“黑板”越走越快，安培觉得追不上了。这时
只见路人都朝他哈哈大笑。
安培定神一看：原来那面会走动的“黑板”，竟是一辆
黑色马车的车厢的背面。

7、 这只猴子真迷人

达尔文因首倡进化论而广受瞩目，抨击批评者有之，支持
赞赏者有之，拿他来开玩笑或故意刁难他的人更多。
有一次，达尔文应邀赴宴，席上与他并排坐在一起的，是
一位年轻貌美的女士。她带着戏谑的口吻向科学家提出疑问：
“达尔文先生，听说您断言：人类是由猴子变来的。请问：
我也属于您的论断之列吗？”
“那是当然”达尔文望了她一眼，彬彬有礼地答道：“不过，
您不是由普通的猴子变来的，而是由长的非常迷人的猴子变来
的。”

❼ 急!我需要一则或几则关于中外名人风趣幽默的故事,要英文的!非常感谢!

1.One day, Mark Twain excluding travel. When Conctors check tickets, search every pocket he also found himself in the bag. Members of the train just know him, it will comfort Mark Twain said : "No problem, if you can not find a ticket. It also hurt. "咳! How hurt, I need to find the coroner holding tickets Otherwise, I know how to where to go? "

2. Mark Twain once rode a train to a university lectures, because of time, he was very anxious, but the train is very slow. Then came a ticket, he asked : "Mr. President, you have the votes? "Mark Twain gave him a vote of children. Ticket inspectors carefully size up after he said : "I really interesting. I fail to see how you were still a child! "Mark Twain's answer :" Now I have a child, but I buy a ticket or when the child. "

3.Mark Twain's like lying in bed, reading or writing. One morning, one journalist to interview him. Mark Twain told these indivials invited his wife to the bedroom. Mrs. opposition said : "Do you not be up? You lying in bed, and let others stand. That, like what? "Mark Twain think for a while, then said :" I did not think of that. Well, you better ask maids sell a bed! "

4.Fensiji Stravinsky (1882-1971) was a composer who was born in the United States, Russia, Americans have created a lot of life to familiar music. Once a film procer Fensiji Estrada invited bids for 4,000 yuan a Hollywood film scores. he has been rejected on the grounds that too little money. Procers argued that another composers in the same price for a movie spectrum songs. Composers shot, said : "I do not have his talent! Before, we must do it much more difficult. "

5.One day, King George III, to go to eat lunch in a small inn that he did not eating, only eat two eggs cooked. Wait until he finished, the owner brought the invoice. "What! "His astonishing, "Two eggs are actually two pounds! eggs must be very rare here. "" No, Your Majesty. "the owner said, "egg is not rare, but King rare. "

6.Malcolm Sargent (1895-1967), American music conctor and organist hand. His younger audience for classical music in the eyes of a lot of efforts to try to revive. In his 70 birthday, one interviewer asked him : "Do you live to be 70 years old, can be attributed to what? "" Ah, "conctor thought for a little while and said," I think this must be attributed to the fact that I have not died. "

7.To focus attention and feel the delicate music realm. Ms. contemporary renowned conctor and violin soloist and performed in command 09-16 Zhu has to close their eyes habits. These two talented musicians with a very understanding. Principal conctor and violinist, or even that people have almost nothing wrong in the hearts of the general inction. Speaking in the first performed in Lucerne, Switzerland. The performance has touched countless viewers. Later, when asked why Zhu 09-16 to close their eyes, he said : "We see each other better, and this is not a mistake. Music does not need eyes to the mutual visa. I can only keep an eye over the whole performance. Ms. command are closing their eyes when they see that, I hasten to also close their eyes for fear of undermining the entire atmosphere. "

❽ 英国名人的幽默小故事

骡子说：“谁说我跑不快啊，我的祖上可是风驰电掣的千里马啊！”
蜈蚣立即说：“说得对，谁说我爬得慢啊，看看我的身形你们就知道了，我的祖先是一飞冲天的龙呢！”

❾ 谁有英语幽默短文，小故事，名人名言

1·英语幽默：Second language
A mother mouse was out for a stroll with her babies when she spotted a cat crouched behind a bush. She watched the cat, and the cat watched the mice.

Mother mouse barked fiercely, "Woof, woof, woof!" The cat was so terrified that it ran for it's life.

Mother mouse turned to her babies and said, "Now, do you understand the value of a second language?"

一只母老鼠带着孩子出来散步，突然她看见一只猫正在灌木丛中虎视耽耽。

母老鼠向着猫叫道：“汪，汪，汪”，猫听了非常害怕，拼命跑走了。

母老鼠回过头洋洋自得的对孩子说：“现在你知道外语的重要性了吧。”
2· 英语小故事——A Good Boy
Little Robert asked his mother for two cents. “What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?”
"I gave it to a poor old woman,” he answered.
"You're a good boy,” said the mother proudly. “Here are two cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?”
"She is the one who sells the candy.”
小罗伯特向妈妈要两分钱。
“昨天给你的钱干什么了？”
“我给了一个可怜的老太婆，”他回答说。 “你真是个好孩子，”妈妈骄傲地说。“再给你两分钱。可你为什么对那位老太太那么感兴趣呢？”
“她是个卖糖果的。”
2、小学生英语小故事——The Hippo and I
A hippo lives in the zoo. I like him very much. I often go to see him. He often thinks of me, too. Today is Sunday. It is fine today. I go to see him again. After I leave the zoo, he follows me to my house. I give him lettuce, cabbages, bananas, apples and other food. He eats them up. When I sing songs, he stays in the pool. He is as quiet as a rabbit.
In the evening, he jumps onto my bed with me. My mum tells him to go home. He has to pack his bag and go back to the zoo. My mum lets me see him every week.
河马住在动物园里，我很喜欢他。他经常去看它，他也经常想我。
今天是星期日，是个好天气，我又一次去看望它。在我离开动物园之后，他跟随到我的家。我给他莴苣、生菜、香蕉、苹果和其他食物。他都吃了。
当我唱歌是，它待在水池里，像兔子一样安静。
晚上，他跳到床上同我睡觉在一起睡。
妈妈要它回家。它不得不背起包回到动物园。妈妈允许我每周去看它。
3·英语励志名人名言

1、All things in their being are good for something.
天生我才必有用。

2、Difficult circumstances serve as a textbook of life for people.
困难坎坷是人们的生活教科书。

3、Failure is the mother of success.——Thomas Paine
失败乃成功之母。

4、For man is man and master of his fate.
人就是人，是自己命运的主人。

5、The unexamined life is not worth living.——Socrates
混混噩噩的生活不值得过。——苏格拉底

6、None is of freedom or of life deserving unless he daily conquers it anew.——Erasmus
只有每天再度战胜生活并夺取自由的人，才配享受生活的自由。

7、Our destiny offers not the cup of despair, but the chalice of opportunity. So let us seize it, not in fear, but in gladness.——R.M. Nixon
命运给予我们的不是失望之酒，而是机会之杯。因此，让我们毫无畏惧，满心愉 悦地把握命运。——尼克松

8、Living without an aim is like sailing without a compass.——John Ruskin
生活没有目标，犹如航海没有罗盘。-- 罗斯金

9、What makes life dreary is the want of motive.——George Eliot
没有了目的，生活便郁闷无光。——乔治·埃略特

10、Towering genius disdains a beaten path. It seeks regions hitherto unexplored.——Lincoln
卓越的天才不屑走旁人走过的路。他寻找迄今未开拓的地区。

11、There is no such thing as a great talent without great will - power.——Balzac
没有伟大的意志力，便没有雄才大略。——巴尔扎克

12、The good seaman is known in bad weather.
惊涛骇浪，方显英雄本色。（励志名言）

13、Fear not that the life shall come to an end, but rather fear that it shall never have a beginning.——J.H. Newman
不要害怕你的生活将要结束，应该担心你的生活永远不会真正开始。——纽曼

14、Gods determine what you're going to be.——Julius Erving
人生的奋斗目标决定你将成为怎样的人。——欧文

15、An aim in life is the only fortune worth finding.——Robert Louis Stevenson
生活的目标，是唯一值得寻找的财富。-- 史蒂文森

16、While there is life there is hope.
一息若存，希望不灭。——英国谚语

17、Try not to become a man of success but rather try to become a man of value.——A. Einstein
不要为成功而努力，要为做一个有价值的人而努力。——爱因斯坦

18、You have to believe in yourself. That's the secret of success.——Charles Chaplin
人必须有自信，这是成功的秘密。——卓别林

19、Pursue your object, be it what it will, steadily and indefatigably.
不管追求什么目标，都应坚持不懈。

20、We must accept finite disappointment, but we must never lose infinite hope.——Mattin Luther King
我们必须接受失望，因为它是有限的，但千万不可失去希望，因为它是无穷的。——马丁·路德·金

21、Energy and persistence conquer all things.——Benjamin Franklin
能量加毅力可以征服一切。——富兰克林

22、Nothing seek, nothing find.
无所求则无所获。

23、Cease to struggle and you cease to live.——Thomas Carlyle
生命不止，奋斗不息。——卡莱尔

24、A thousand-li journey is started by taking the first step.
千里之行，始于足下。

❿ 外国名人的旅游幽默故事

贩卖笔杆子
大作家雨果一次出国旅行到了边境，宪兵要检查登记，专就问他：“姓名？属”
“雨果。” “干什么的？”
“写东西的。” “以什么谋生？”
“笔杆子。”
于是宪兵就在登记薄上写道：“姓名：雨果；职业：贩卖笔杆。”

喜鹊肉馅饼
一次，英国讽刺作家乔纳森.斯威夫特出外旅游，途经一家客店歇脚。认出他来的女主人一心想取悦这位名人。
便上前热情地询问他晚饭想吃点什么：“想来点果肉馅饼吗？或者醋栗馅饼？或是李子馅饼、葡萄馅饼、樱桃馅饼、……”
“除了叫喳喳的喜鹊肉馅饼外，什么都行，太太。”斯威夫特打断了她的话。

夏娃尝禁果
罗马教皇的大使到法国时，未来的教皇约翰二十三世（1881—1963年）也应邀去法国
出席盛宴。宴会上，一位穿着过分坦胸露背的女士刚好是约翰二十三世的邻座，他只装作没
有注意女士的穿着，甜食上来时，他挑了一只红苹果递给这位女士，而她却婉言谢绝了。
“请品尝一下吧，夫人。”他劝道，“夏娃只是因为吃了禁果后才意识到自己是赤身裸
体的。”